Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris FactsHere are the current Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts based on YOUR votes. Return to Current Rating: 3.21 For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.94 Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.93 Richard Simmons once told Chuck Norris to quit acting like such a fag. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.84 Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.82 Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.78 If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.77 During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.76 Chuck Norris gives better rimjobs than West Coast Customs. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.75 Chuck Norris injects steroids into his upper lip, so that it can bare the weight of his mustache. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.74 Chuck Norris' favorite color is lavender. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.73 Chuck Norris will ram his rod straight down the throat of anyone who calls him gay. He's just funny like that. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.71 Chuck Norris cried during The Notebook. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.7 Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.69 Chuck Norris started the "Chuck Norris Facts" in hopes of finding a new love. Upon finding out the majority of fans using the facts were guys, Chuck Norris wept with joy. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.69 Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.69 Chuck Norris' ejaculatory fluid is composed of 100% Noxema skin cream. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.69 Chuck Norris found this page and said, "Shit! I guess my unfounded and unearned popularity is over." He spent the next four hours lying face down on his silk duvet cover crying into a down pillow. Anything less wouldn't have provided enough comfort. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.68 Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.67 Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carnival celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.66 A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.66 Every time Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he pops two hemorrhoids. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.65 Chuck Norris' inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.65 If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy." Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.65 Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord." Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.65 Chuck Norris is the only person whom the Axe Effect Deodorant Spray will not work on. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.64 Jack Bauer was overheard saying to Chuck Norris, "Let's get this straight: the only reason you're still conscious is because I don't wanna carry you." Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.64 Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.64 After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.63 When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply said "How many sex scenes?" Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.62 Chuck Norris stayed in high school for 7 years until someone finally signed his yearbook. Email Joke to as many as five friends |