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A buddy of mine has been acting a bit depressed lately. We were playing golf and he was getting increasingly upset at his poor performance.

"Dude, relax," I said. "If I want to hear a bunch of yelling and swearing I'll go visit my inlaws."

"I'm sorry, man, I've been having some problems at home."

"Yeah, like what?" I asked because I thought I should pretend to care.

"It's kind of personal."

"OK," I said teeing up my ball.

"Well, if you must know, I've been having erectile problems. I think it's because I may have a heart condition."

"You don't have a heart condition," I said taking my practice swing. "You have a fucking ugly wife."