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Top 5 Best Hunting Jokes

Top 5 Best Hunting Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
Don't agree with these? Then rate all the Random Hunting Jokes you can.
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A duck hunter is out trying to kill a duck, so he can take it home and feed his family. After several hours, with no luck, the hunter gets back in his jeep and heads home. On the way, he spots a flock of ducks flying over a farmhouse. He gets out of his truck and shoots the biggest one which lands in the farmers yard. The hunter leaps over the fence to pick up his duck. He's twenty feet away from the duck when he hears the farmer yell "hey, that's my duck."

"No, no," says the hunter, "I just shot it."

"No matter," says the farmer, "it landed on my farm."

They argue for a while then the farmer suggests that they settle their dispute the country way. "How's that," asks the hunter. The farmer says that they have to take it in turns to jerk each other off and whoever cums in the shortest time loses.

The hunter begins, ten minutes later, the farmer cums. "OK," says the hunter, "now it's your turn."

"Never mind," says the farmer, "you can keep the duck."

Current Joke Rating: 3.22

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An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.

The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

Current Joke Rating: 3.22

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The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and none could dispute that. But then he said they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from it’s feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber bullet it was that killed the animal.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "ringbrook." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.

They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion. Shot with a .416 rifle." He was right again.

Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"

His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

Current Joke Rating: 3.21

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Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt.

"Good work!" says the bartender. He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher's outstretched hand.

After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender, "What was that all about?"

The barkeep says, "Haven't you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain't done a thing about it.

Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints came onto my property and laid waste t'my chicken coop.

Ol' Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They're vicious, and they got no fear -- and they gotta be stopped.

So I'm offerin' a bounty -- a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt."

Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves.

After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance. Mike takes aim with his rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with the pelt.

Suddenly, Bill says, "Hey, Mike, look."

"Not now," says Mike, "I'm busy."

Bill tugs on Mike's sleeve and says, "Mike, I think you *really* ought to see this."

"Not now!" Mike says again. "Can't you see I've got a hundred dollars in my hands?"

Bill's voice starts to waver. "Mike, please, just look!"

Mike stops what he's doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded by a pack of wolves -- at least fifty in all, every one of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their chops.

Mike takes in the sight and gasps: "Oh, my God... We're gonna be rich!"

Current Joke Rating: 3.14

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One morning a husband awoke and decided he wanted to go duck hunting. He woke his wife and told her, "You have three choices, either go duck hunting with me, let me fuck you up the ass, or give me a blow job. I have to run out get the dog, and load up the truck. You had better decide by the time I get back."

He returned after a while, and said to his wife, "Well, what have you decided to do?"

To which she replied, "Well, I sure don't want to go duck hunting, and I'm sure the hell not going to let you fuck me up the ass, so I guess I'll give you a blow job."

She begins to suck on his dick, and all the sudden stops and begins spitting and choking.

He said to her, "What's the problem?"

She replies, "SHIT! My god, your dick tastes like shit!"

He replied, "Oh yeah, the dog didn't want to go duck hunting either."

Current Joke Rating: 3.12

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