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Top 5 Best Dirty Jokes

Top 5 Best Dirty Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
Don't agree with these? Then rate all the Random Dirty Jokes you can. We have many other categories that need rating too!


A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and says "I want a tattoo of ELVIS on the inside of my right thigh."

The artist says "No Problem, get undressed and lay on the table." When he is done, he says "So, what do you think?"

She replies," That doesn't look like ELVIS at all! I want you to do it over on the inside of my left thigh" The artist agrees and when finished, asks for her to appraise his work. "DAMMIT,..not only does that not look like ELVIS, it looks just like the tattoo on my other thigh!"

Calmly the artist asks her if she would like a second opinion and he walks outside and grabs the first person he sees...a drunk. He brings him back inside, shoves his face between her legs and says, "I want you to look at these two tattoos and tell me who it is?" The drunk looks at one tattoo, then the other, and exclaims, "Well...I don't know about the twins, but that's WILLIE NELSON in the middle!"

Current Joke Rating: 4.6

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There was a Scottish man in a bar with his two friends minding there own business.

The next minute in storms two punks, one of the punks had long spiky hair, one spike blue, one spike green, one spike red and one spike yellow.

The Scottish man couldn't take his eyes off the punks hair.

This came to the punks attention after a while the punk said "have you got a problem mate?"

The Scottish man says "no, but can I ask how old you are please?"

The punk says "19, why?"

The Scottish man says "Well 20 years ago I had sex with a parrot so I might be your dad"

Current Joke Rating: 4

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Two women are talking over lunch when one said to the other, "Well, Jane, how's your sex life these days?"

"Well...my husband makes me feel like an exercise bike," replies Jane.

"How's that?" asked her friend.

"He climbs on and starts pumping away," explained Jane. "But we never get anywhere."

Current Joke Rating: 3.9

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Question for the ages...

If you have sex while spooning, are you sforking?

Current Joke Rating: 3.73

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Never Trust an Indian

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians...

After a tour of the reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the indians' headdress. She asked a Brave who had only one feather in his headdress. His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling the first indian was only joking. This brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied to Barbara Walters, "Ugh, me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaw." Still not convinced that the number of feathers indicated the number of squaw involved, she decided to interview the Chief.
Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Barbara Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and then said, "Me Chief, me fuck-em all, big, small, fat, tall, me fuck-em all."

Horrified, Barbara Walters stated, "You ought to be hung." The Chief replied, "You damned right me hung...big like buffalo, long, long like snake."

Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so goddamn hostile!" The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf style, any-style, me fuck-em all!"

Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear!", to which the Chief replied, "No deer...me no fuck deer, asshole too high, and fuckers run too fast...no fuck deer."

Current Joke Rating: 3.67

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