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Top 5 Best Dirty Jokes

Top 5 Best Dirty Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
Don't agree with these? Then rate all the Random Dirty Jokes you can. We have many other categories that need rating too!


A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and says "I want a tattoo of ELVIS on the inside of my right thigh."

The artist says "No Problem, get undressed and lay on the table." When he is done, he says "So, what do you think?"

She replies," That doesn't look like ELVIS at all! I want you to do it over on the inside of my left thigh" The artist agrees and when finished, asks for her to appraise his work. "DAMMIT,..not only does that not look like ELVIS, it looks just like the tattoo on my other thigh!"

Calmly the artist asks her if she would like a second opinion and he walks outside and grabs the first person he sees...a drunk. He brings him back inside, shoves his face between her legs and says, "I want you to look at these two tattoos and tell me who it is?" The drunk looks at one tattoo, then the other, and exclaims, "Well...I don't know about the twins, but that's WILLIE NELSON in the middle!"

Current Joke Rating: 4.07

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Two women are talking over lunch when one said to the other, "Well, Jane, how's your sex life these days?"

"Well...my husband makes me feel like an exercise bike," replies Jane.

"How's that?" asked her friend.

"He climbs on and starts pumping away," explained Jane. "But we never get anywhere."

Current Joke Rating: 3.83

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A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother....who's only 9 years old...

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk. As you might expect things started to heat up. The guy remembered that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

"Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!!" she screams. "Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Whoa!!! PULL IT OUT!!! PULL IT OUT NOW!!! I can't get pregnant!"

Then the little brother shouts up,"Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!"

Current Joke Rating: 3.7

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Duane rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Duane smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe. Poor Duane breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."

He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

The flustered, embarrassed Duane stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"

She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"

Clearing his throat once again, Duane stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."

Current Joke Rating: 3.61

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Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?

A: Because they have cotton balls.

Current Joke Rating: 3.61

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