Top 5 Best Clinton Jokes

Current Rating: 3.4

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks...

Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill....and there's no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet responded..."Just because I am aesthetically challenged, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet says, "Whenever I feel that a guy's getting ready to make a pass me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart I can."

Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him, so she tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and asks, "That you Janet?"

Current Rating: 3.37

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidentally tripped and fell off a bridge into the cold water below. Three 10 year old boys were playing along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and dragged him to shore.

Clinton was so thankful that he told each of them, "Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you deserve a reward. You guys just name it."

The first boy says, "I want to go to Disneyland!"

"I'll take you there myself in Air Force One!" exclaims Bill.

The second boy says, "I want a brand new pair of autographed Nike Air Jordan's."

"I'll buy them for you myself," says Bill.

"And I want a motorized wheelchair with a stereo built into it with custom speakers" the third boy says.

The president looks at the boy and says, "But, son, you don't look like you are handicapped to me."

The boy replies, "I'm going to be when my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

Current Rating: 3.3

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t - the cow was killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.

"What happened?" asked Hillary.

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied: ’I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the cow.’

Current Rating: 3.25

A recent poll asked women around the country if they would sleep with President Clinton.

70% said never again.

Current Rating: 3.18

President Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school today, and when he visited one of the 4th grade classes, they were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So, our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street, and a car came along and ran over him. That would be a tragedy."

"No," said Clinton, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand. "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone in the bus, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the President. "That we would call a great loss."

The room grew silent. No other children would volunteer an answer.

President Clinton searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, in the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Clinton, were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Clinton. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well, " said the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"