Top 5 Best Clean Jokes

Current Rating: 5

Flush from their Healthcare plan victory in Congress, the Obama administration is proposing mandatory Federal Auto Insurance.

Like healthcare, the government will fund car insurance for everyone who is unable to afford the increasing premiums by raising taxes on drivers who don't have accidents.

Current Rating: 5

In an orchestrated event to promote newer, more restrictive gun laws, President Obama addresses an audience of school children at a West Texas elementary school.

He stands silently at the podium and then begins to clap and pause, clap and pause. He does this for a while before speaking.

"Every time I clap my hands, a child somewhere in America dies from gun violence. Even a child should be able to see the solution." President Obama looks expectantly over the audience.

A little boy raises his hand. "Maybe you should stop clapping."

Current Rating: 4.33

Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you
keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'"

"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."

Current Rating: 4.2

One day the students of a primary school class had homework to start reading a fantasy book.

"Well class, lets see what books you have been reading," the teacher says. "Alex, what book have you started to read?"

"I have started to read Harry Potter," Alex proudly states.

"Well done Alex, Henry, what book have you started to read?" The teacher asks.

"I have started to read Doctor Who!" Henry confidently says.

"That sounds interesting Henry, Johnny, what fantasy book have you started reading?"

Johnny stands up with a big toothy grin and says, "The Bible!"

Current Rating: 4

A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.

She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing... there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."