Random 24 Jack Bauer JokesRandom 24 Jack Bauer Jokes Return to Nothing could get in the middle of Jack Bauer. Not even a middle name. The first name on Schindler's List was "Jack Bauer". Freddy and Jason disappointed millions of fans when their fight ended up in a tie. Little do these fans know, the winner was supposed to face Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer is like Achilles without heels. Jack Bauer rewrote the dictionary and took out the words "cruel", "unusual", and "punishment".<br /> The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music. Jack Bauer is hung like an 8 year old. No, seriously... his penis is the size of a small boy. The "Smoothie" was invented when Jack Bauer needed information from a banana. Jack Bauer likes only one thing about working for CTU: free ammo. When Jack Bauer went to Bayside High School, he created a band called "Jack Attack". Screech wasn't let into the band. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer can break eleven fingers at once, good thing you only have ten. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was. You know that series of unfortunate events book series? Jack Bauer caused those. This year, the U.S. government is running a $400 Billion deficit. A large contributing factor: overage charges on Jack's cell phone. Nike doesn't show Jack Bauer advertisements because they know he'll "do it" when he's goddamn ready. If you're a terrorist, Jack Bauer is the last person on Earth you want to see. Fortunately, if you're a terrorist, Jack Bauer probably is the last person you'll ever see on Earth. Jack Bauer went on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" only so he could phone a friend and yell, "You're running out of time!" for 30 seconds. When Tony Montana said, 'Say Hello to my little friend,' he was talking about Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer keeps a gun in his couch. You don't want to know what he keeps in his La-Z-Boy. Jack Bauer doesn't need a gun to kill terrorists, guns just want in on the action. Jack Bauer uses a bomb for an alarm clock every morning. Jack Bauer kills a an average of one person an hour. Including that in any algebraic equation suddenly makes math a hell of a lot more interesting. |