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15 Newest Jokes

Newest Jokes

Here are our 15 Newest Funny Jokes. Be sure to rate as many of our Random Funny Jokes you can. We have many other categories that need rating too!

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You might be a Redneck if...

You use Red Solo Cups for pots

 

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Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?

A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

 

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Q: What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?

A: Her feet!

 

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Question of the day...

If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be considered stoned off your ass?

 

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You might be a Redneck if...

You have ever used shotgun shell bb's for bearings

 

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Q: How do you break a blonde's nose?

A: Place a dildo under a glass table!

 

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This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, "would you please press one?"

So I did.

I don't remember much after that...

 

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You Might be a Redneck if...

If your child's car seat is strapped down in the bed of your pick-up truck.

 

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Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill herself?

She jumped out a basement window!

 

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REDHEADS ARE FAMOUS FOR THEIR TEMPERS AND UNPREDICTABILITY...HOW FAMOUS?

Redheads don't sleep...they wait.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3? A redhead.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, a redhead jumps out.

How sexy are redheads? A group of redheads once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.

Redheads put the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

A cobra bit a redhead. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

A redheads dog is trained to clean up its own poop, because a redhead refuses to take sh** off anyone!

If a redhead gives you the finger, she's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Death once had a near-redhead experience.

A redhead can have both feet on the ground and still kick your ass.

The only time a redhead was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.

A redheaded woman can make a paraplegic man run for his life...

Redheads don't have to use pick-up lines. They simply say, "Now."

Redheads don't play hide-and-seek. They play "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

A redheaded woman is so stubborn she can beat the sun at a staring competition.

A redhead is probably the reason Waldo is hiding.

There is no such thing as gay men - only men who haven't met a sexy redheaded woman.

When redheads run with scissors, others will get hurt.

A redhead gave Mona Lisa that smile...

 

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You might be a redneck if...

your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she canít touch it ítil sheís 16

 

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Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdome?

While the crowd was doing the wave, two blondes drowned.

 

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Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song."

Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."

 

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I got kicked out of my mathematics class one day.

The teacher asked me, "What comes after 69?"

Apparently "mouthwash" was the wrong answer!

 

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What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?
"Trilingual"

What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
"Bilingual"

What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
"American"

 

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