30 Random Chuck Norris FactsHere are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts. Return to Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Forty seven times. When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whiskey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper. Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand. Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood. Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol. Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco sauce instead of Visine. Chuck Norris can taste lies. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. |