30 Random Chuck Norris FactsHere are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts. Return to Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale. When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. Due to Newton's 3rd law of motion, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing. For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY. When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money. There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers. Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was too easy. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris." When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'." Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover. MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death. It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich. Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition. Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked. |