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30 Random Chuck Norris Facts

Here are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts.
You can also see the Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Chuck Norris Facts?


Chuck Norris' shit don't stink. Chuck Norris is the shit.

Current Joke Rating: 2.66

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Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

Current Joke Rating: 2.33

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Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.

Current Joke Rating: 3.23

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Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for Balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.

Current Joke Rating: 2.48

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We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3

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If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

Current Joke Rating: 2.64

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Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris... the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

Current Joke Rating: 3

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Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

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Chuck Norris carved Mount Rushmore. With his feet.

Current Joke Rating: 3.68

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Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

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While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Current Joke Rating: 3.09

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Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

Current Joke Rating: 3.42

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In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.

Current Joke Rating: 2.83

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MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

Current Joke Rating: 2.91

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The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

Current Joke Rating: 2.89

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70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

Current Joke Rating: 3.16

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Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

Current Joke Rating: 2.53

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Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

Current Joke Rating: 2.91

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There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

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Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

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Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

Current Joke Rating: 3.23

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Chuck Norris doesn't sign contracts.. nothing binds Chuck Norris

Current Joke Rating: 3.16

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A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Current Joke Rating: 3.1

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Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Current Joke Rating: 3.08

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Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

Current Joke Rating: 2.89

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Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Current Joke Rating: 3.1

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Chuck Norris is the only person ever to beat a concrete wall in a game of tennis.

Current Joke Rating: 3.3

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Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Current Joke Rating: 3

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Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Current Joke Rating: 3.45

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Chuck Norris reads with his eyes closed.

Current Joke Rating: 3

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