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Added on Thursday, August 7th, 2008 TOP TEN LIST- THE LAST THINGS A MAN WOULD EVER SAY
10. I think that Michael Bolton is one cool mother.
9. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
8. I'm absolutely wrong, you must be right.
7. I think we're lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on 'Murder, She Wrote' sure gives me a woody.
4. We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go shopping so I can hold your purse.
3. Screw Monday Night Football! Let's watch 'Ally McBeal' re-runs.
2. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
1. I think her breasts are just way too big.
Added on Thursday, August 7th, 2008 A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes.
In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.
After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, "Do you want them mounted?"
Blushing, she said, "No. holding hands will be fine."
Added on Thursday, July 31st, 2008 A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."
Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see... Fun period Fun period Fun no period worry worry worry."
Added on Thursday, July 31st, 2008 A visitor to San Francisco is standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when he notices a blind man and his guide dog. The dog leads the man into the street, where he is brushed by an oncoming car. The man is knocked down, and he rather gingerly gets back up. He calls the guide dog over, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a doggie treat, and gives it to the dog.
The visitor, upon seeing all this, walks over to the blind man and says, 'That's amazing! Your guide dog led you into a busy street where you were nearly run over by a car, and yet you're giving the dog a treat. You must really love that dog.'
The blind man turns to the visitor and says, 'No, I'm gonna kick the dog's ass - I'm just trying to learn which end is which.'
Added on Thursday, July 31st, 2008 Two explorers walking through a jungle stumble upon a tribe of savages, who promptly tie the two explorers up and take them to the chief of the tribe. The chief presents them with two options: death, or pungee.
The first explorer thinks to himself "Well, anything's gotta be better than dying", so he chooses pungee.
The chief then throws his hands up in the air and yells "pungee".
Suddenly the whole tribe (a few hundred of'em) rip off their loin clothes and all begin savagely fucking the explorer up the ass. Some of the savages take sharp sticks and shove them up the explorers ass. The raping goes on for hours, and when it finally ends, the explorer is left quivering on the ground in a pool of his own blood, yet still alive.
The other explorer, who had been watched in horror the whole time says "Holy shit, I'll take death"
"Very well then" the chief replies, "death... by PUNGEE!!!
Added on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Added on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 Submitted by: Dermot A guy, who had had one or two gets on to a double decker bus and finds himself a seat on the upper deck. The bus conductor comes along to collect his fare when the guy asks him
"Would it be alright if I brought up a crate of beer?"
"No Problem" says the bus conductor as there was plenty of room on the upper deck.
And the guy goes "Blaaghhhhhhh" all over the floor of the bus
Added on Monday, July 21st, 2008 An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common".
Added on Monday, July 21st, 2008 Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals, publicly accused her neighbor George of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar.
George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.
Added on Monday, July 21st, 2008 A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis.
The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way."
She replied, "What other way?"
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