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New Political Jokes

The most recently added 10 New Political Jokes. Please rate as many Random Political Jokes as you feel like.
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You Might Be a Liberal If...

You think the Law of Supply and Demand means if you demand it, the government should supply it.

 

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A recent study showed that only forty-three percent of all people polled in the U.S. stated that illegal immigration is a serious problem.

The other 57 percent answered, "No hablo inglés."

 

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Recently someone was browsing through the 40th Anniversary Issue of Reader's Digest, came across this reprint from the Washington News and found it quite interesting considering our current debates!

The Quote:

Vice President Lyndon Johnson received the following message from an Indian (Native American) on a reservation:

"Be careful with your immigration laws. We were careless with ours."

 

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An Israeli was sitting between two Arabs on a long airplane flight. He had just removed his shoes and gotten comfortable when one of the Arabs nudged him and said,"Hey, Jew, go get us some orange juice."

To avoid any trouble, the Israeli did so. When he left, both Arabs spit in his shoes.

The Israeli came back with the juice, which the Arabs gulped down. The rest of the flight was uneventful. The plane landed, and the Israeli put on his shoes and felt the squishing inside.

He turned to the Arabs and said,"If there is ever going to be peace in the Middle East, the Arabs will have to stop spitting in the shoes of Jews, and the Jews will have to stop pissing in the Arabs' orange juice."

 

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A man went to a doctor, and said he wanted to be able to get a job at the local Post Office, but unfortunately he was too smart.

The doctor asked him his IQ, and when he gave a three-digit reply, the doctor told him that the procedure would have to involve the removal of over half of his brain.

The man insisted, and since the doctor just happened to have a brand new laser device which could zap just the right portions of brain tissue, so the operation was planned.

The laser was hooked up to a computer which could monitor the man's declining IQ on a nice bright LED display. The doctor threw the switch and the numbers began ticking off . . . 95, 94, 93 . . .

Suddenly the phone rang. It was the doctor's wife. They gabbed for a few minutes, the doctor forgetting completely about his patient.

When he hung up, he suddenly realized, and ran into the operating room, only to see the meter ticking down 6, 5, 4 . . .

He ran to the machine and threw the on/off switch, just as the laser was about to wipe out the last remnant of brain. "Oh my!" exclaimed the doctor, "What have I done? Speak to me! Say anything!"

The man looked at him and said, "I, Al Gore, announce my candidacy for President of the United States . . ."

 

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Since the attack on his Pakistani compound, Osama Bin Laden has changed his name to Osama Bin Bobbin'!

 

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When a delegate from a emerging African nation was in Moscow, he watched a game of Russian roulette. Someone put the barrel of a pistol up to his head and pulled the trigger. One of the six chambers had a real live bullet.

A month later, the Russian delegate was visiting the African nation. "We would like to show you our version of roulette," the ambassador said, "We call this African roulette."

"How do you play?"

The ambassador pointed to six buxom tribeswomen sitting in a circle. "Any of these six girls will give you a blow job."

"Well, where is the roulette part? Where is the jeopardy? You must have some risk involved in this game, you know." the Russian said.

"Well," said the African ambassador, "one of the girls is a cannibal."

 

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A guy stopped by a Chevy dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 2011, 1500 pickup. Just for fun, he took it out for a test drive. He wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (an African American wearing an Obama "Change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with him, the guy mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, the salesman asked why he thought it was a Republican truck. The guy explained that if it were a Democratic truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.

 

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After months of political infighting, both sides on Capitol Hill have come to an agreement on immigration reform. Republicans have agreed to stop calling them illegal aliens if Democrats will stop calling them undocumented workers.

The newly agreed upon term is Undocumented Democrats.

 

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Rep. Bill Schuette (R-MI) recently advised constituents not to expect all their problems to be solved by the federal government.

He warned voters, "Congress is not the sole suppository of wisdom."

 

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