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24 New Jack Bauer Jokes

The most recently added 24 Jack Bauer Jokes. Please rate as many Random Jack Bauer Jokes as you feel like.
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It is said that the tears of Chuck Norris can cure cancer, except Chuck Norris never crys. Upon hearing this Jack Bauer said, "well see." and left with a pair of jumper cables in hand. Two minuets later he returned and said, "Wrong on both counts."

 

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If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

 

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Jack Bauer's mornings usually start with a trip down his slip-and-slide lined with razor blades followed by a dip in a his pool filled with rubbing alcohol. He likes to dry off with a towel made from sandpaper.

 

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Jack Bauer doesn't own a watch, because there's never any time.

 

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Jack Bauer once made a blind man see again, then promptly threatened to cut out his eyes if he didn't give him the information he wanted.

 

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Jack Bauer is mentioned in the Bible 24 times.

 

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Jack Bauer doesn't believe in testing cosmetics on animals, he prefers terrorists.

 

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Jack Bauer never craps because Jack Bauer never eats. Simple, is it not?

 

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"The Lost Boys" is a documentary on Jack Bauer's early undercover work infiltrating a group of vampire terrorists.

 

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Jack Bauer calls Chuck Norris Charlie.

 

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The spoon that Neo is convinced does not exist, is daily used by Jack Bauer to eat his cereal.

 

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When time stands still, Jack Bauer moves at the speed of light.

 

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If Jack Bauer and Walker, Texas Ranger ever happened to get within 10 feet of each other, the universe will explode. Fortunately, they would both survive.

 

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When Jack Bauer uses Herbal Essences, the shampoo has an orgasm.

 

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Bulletproof vests are made out of Jack Bauer's skin. They just call it Teflon to fool terrorists into thinking they actually have a chance.

 

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The only reason the energizer bunny keeps going and going is because Jack Bauer is on its tail.

 

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Jack Bauer doesn't chew bubble gum, he chews coal, and when he spits it out, it is a diamond.

 

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The reason why Jack Bauer whispers all the time, is because he has not had a glass of water for 8 seasons.

 

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Bauer's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Osama Bin Laden.

 

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Jack Bauer's hotness is responsible for global warming.

 

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Jack Bauer doesn't care about Kanye West.

 

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So far Jack Bauer has not had to confront the Germans, because his grandfather John "Jack" Bauer sorted that lot out in 1945.

 

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Jack Bauer doesn't like it when people copy Chuck Norris facts and substitute his name. He will gundown your family for that.

 

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Priests confess to Jack Bauer.

 

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