24 New Jack Bauer Jokes

Added on April 29th

David Palmer did not get that horrible burn on his hand from a biological agent. He got it after he high-fived Jack.

Added on April 29th

When Jack Bauer does push-ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

Added on April 29th

On Halloween, a child stopped at Jack Bauers house dressed in a terrorist costume. Jack killed him with a piece of candy corn before he noticed the difference.

Added on April 29th

If you're playing CounterStrike and Jack Bauer is on the other team, don't buy the AWP. All you're doing is saving him $4500 bucks.

Added on April 29th

Oil and Water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.

Added on April 22nd

Jack Bauer can start a fire using only water.

Added on April 22nd

There is only one rule for dating Jack Bauer's daughter. Don't.

Added on April 17th

The video game "God of War" was originally conceptualized as "Jack Bauer: The High School Years".

Added on April 17th

Jack Bauer was supposed to be in Street Fighter 2, but was later removed by beta testers because every button resulted in the same move, shooting the opponent. When asked about the glitch, Bauer replied, "that's no glitch."

Added on April 15th

Jack Bauer stole every condom in the world. Why? Because he realized he's running out of people to kill.

Added on March 15th

Since Jack Bauer and Kobe Bryant live in Los Angeles, they commonly switch jobs. What else could explain "Kobe" scoring 81 points.

Added on March 15th

In the shadows, a team of CIA specialists follow Jack Bauer at all times, ready to collect his tears for chemical warfare production.

Added on March 15th

George Mason once called Jack Bauer a "stupid chump." Years later he died in a nuclear blast. This is no coincidence.

Added on March 14th

Jack played kickball once when he was a little boy. Now, somewhere, there is a man with "Spalding" imprinted on his face.

Added on March 14th

In kindergarten, Jack broke the teacher's fingers for telling him recess was over.

Added on March 14th

The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"

Added on March 13th

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jack Bauer thought they were fetching nukes so he killed them both and assumed the other Jack's identity.

Added on March 13th

If Jack Bauer were a soup, it would be called "Cream of Death"

Added on March 13th

Don't challenge Jack Bauer in a eye starring contest, he has not yet blinked once in his life.

Added on March 13th

Superman has two weaknesses, kryptonite and Jack Bauer.

Added on March 12th

Jack Bauer loves reality TV. That's why he allows FOX to follow him around.

Added on March 12th

Mulder and Scully left the X-Files too soon. They would've realized that the truth is Jack Bauer.

Added on March 12th

Someone told Jack Bauer to "kill the lights." I feel sorry for those light bulbs.

Added on March 12th

Jack Bauer doesn't follow protocol. Protocol follows Jack Bauer.