30 Random Chuck Norris FactsHere are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts. Return to When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Deaths trainer is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre. The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar. Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her. The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris. Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian. As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead. Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about! Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark. You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. |