30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris FactsHere are 30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts. Return to Chuck Norris orders the "side salad with low-fat dressing" at a BBQ joint. When Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him. On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others. Chuck Norris once went into a bar and was heard saying, "I'll have a Mike's Hard Lemonade." In preparation for his future role as a gay cowboy, a young Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy on the set of "Walker, Texas Ranger." Chuck Norris bet on Duke to win the National Championship. IN FOOTBALL. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors. Who knew so many people could die of laughter? The Black Plague was caused by the fleas from Chuck Norris' beard Chuck Norris once tried to enter an Ugly Contest and was told, "Sorry, no professionals." Chuck Norris once completed a roundhouse kick so powerfully that all the hair from the top of his head ended up on his face. This is also the origin of his cowboy hat, a mark of shame. Chuck Norris' recites a line from The Notebook as his finishing move in a scrapped version of Mortal Kombat. Chuck Norris wears biker shorts under his kilt. When asked who his favorite actor was, Chuck Norris replied, "Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement. Wait, uh, I mean Arnold Schwarzenegger or, uh, Sylvester Stallone! Yeah, they're manly right?!" Chuck Norris is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass. Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King, and got one, because no one wanted to hear him pout about it again. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching. Chuck Norris' catheter bag exploded and flooded one-third of the United States killing millions. For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely. Chuck Norris' real name is Daniel Goldberg. He is ashamed of his Jewish heritage. Chuck Norris manages a Baskin Robbins franchise. It only has access to 23 flavors. When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets terrified. Although Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is extremely effective, he has two right feet and can therefore only use it if his enemy is on his right. Stand on his left and Chuck Norris is as dangerous as Barney the Dinosaur's yellow friend. Chuck Norris gets carded for PG-13 movies, including his own. There are now over 100 official sex "maneuvers" popular in the gay community known simply as "The Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris folds pocket aces pre-flop. Chuck Norris auditioned for the T-800 part in the Terminator, but was refuted when it was discovered that he was part man, part cyborg himself. Capitalizing on the machine he was made out of, Chuck Norris assembled official Chuck Norris dildos with self-described "12 inches of action and excitement!" Chuck Norris can suck the AIDS virus right out of a grown man's cock, then spit it into a bottle for research. Chuck Norris' pubes cover the head of Carrot Top. Chuck Norris was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Chuck Norris!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Chuck Norris and sent him to detention. |