30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris FactsHere are 30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts. Return to Chuck Norris starred in "Firewalker," a film in which he does not walk on fire. Every time Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he pops two hemorrhoids. Chuck Norris was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days. Chuck Norris is the driving force behind Chuck Norris facts. He has even been caught in public speaking in the third person. It is no happy coincidence that Chuck Norris and LaToya Jackson have never appeared in public together. Chuck Norris is a chronic self-deprecating masturbator. Chuck Norris' hip breaking was heard across 12 states. On the set of the movie Sidekicks, Chuck Norris and Joe Piscopo had a real fight. The loser was declared to be humanity because they both lived. Chuck Norris' inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society. Chuck Norris tattooed "No day butt today" on his ass, partly because of the pun, but mainly because he loves "Rent." Chuck Norris once sent himself flowers on Valentine's Day to trick people into thinking he had a girlfriend. Too bad he signed the card, "From Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris has the chorus to the song "Fly By Night" tattooed on the underside of his penis. Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong." Chuck Norris tried to copyright the copyright symbol. It was the first time the employees at the United States Patent and Trademark Office have ever laughed. Chuck Norris is the only person with no matches on eHarmony.com. Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..." Chuck Norris has been shot by Chuck Bronson twelve times. Chuck Norris has guest directed four episodes of Will and Grace. Before each episode, Chuck Norris requested that Grace be replaced by his friend, "Peter." Chuck Norris voted Bush in the 2000 election. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris sits down to pee. Chuck Norris always wears knee pads. When asked if they were for stunt purposes, Chuck Norris replied "sure." Chuck Norris's favorite Mario Kart character is Princess Peach. Princess Peach's favorite "Walker, Texas Ranger" character is Jimmy Trivette. If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy." On January 12, 1995 Chuck Norris shaved his beard. On January 13, 1995 Chuck Norris filed a missing person claim on himself. Chuck Norris gives all his friends back, sack and crack waxes. But he is very gentle with them. Chuck Norris didn't really tell Admiral Akbar about the trap. Chuck Norris caused Hurricane Katrina and encouraged George W. Bush to let Michael Brown handle it. Chuck Norris auditioned for the T-800 part in the Terminator, but was refuted when it was discovered that he was part man, part cyborg himself. Capitalizing on the machine he was made out of, Chuck Norris assembled official Chuck Norris dildos with self-described "12 inches of action and excitement!" |